There are so many things i want to say and i can’t. So many things i would like to do but can’t. I remember once you told me that you would love someone to sing this song to you, especially the second verse and mean it. I can’t sing it to you.. but if i could i would.

You’re half a world away
Standing next to me
It seems that every day
I’m loosing you almost invisibly
Though you are near
I can’t reach that far
Across to where you are
And so you stay
Just half a world away

And I would cross
The universe for you
What good would it do
If you weren’t even there?
Till you return
And until your way is clear
I will be here
Not half a world away

You’re half a world away
And noone is to blame
If love outlives its day
And turns into an ember from a flame
I love you as before
Till words will be nomore
Till I can’t find a way
To where you stay
Just half a world away

I love Mistress. Can i say that enough! nooooo.lol I love Mistress!Tonight i did something i never thought i would have the confidence for..and you know…it felt good! giggles i want to do it again!

Love you Mistress. giggles madly

**************************************

Sacrifice is an important thing in life, not just in submission, but in life as well. It is a key part of my submission yes. A very key part. I would willingly sacrifice anything i could to make Mistress happy. It got me to thinking about all those who wouldn’t do that for someone. For a friend who needs it, for a love deep in their heart, for themselves even and it made me sad. I think people are colder today than they have ever been. I think humanity is less because of it. I have a friend, and she has someone who claims to be deeply in love with her. We’re talking deep romantic sweep you off your feet love.. or so he claims. I’m not sure i believe him anymore. But you and i know.. those of us with caring in our hearts, with someone we love, a child to hold, or someone who looks to us for guidance and solace, sacrifice is essential to those feelings.. Because if you cared that deeply for someone you would give your all to them, and i do not believe this man is capable of it.  Thats what true love is.. At the core of it, is sacrifice, and compassion and trust. Oh and a warm feeling deep inside;)

Am i sounding jaded towards things. Maybe. Things are in this state of chaos right now. Things are changing and i stay strong in the coming storm. I think i will have a lot to bear as time carries on, and i will do it willingly tending to another before myself. And so i stand, in lace and ribbon with a determined look on my face and music in my heart.

Sometimes I see her down by the river
The water dances on her skin
She can captivate to hit the ice
But she never lets you in
In the dark she lingers
Like a tear without a soul

And I what a lonely girl
Trying to find her way
In this mixed up messed up world
And I see so many faces just like her
So many broken hearts in the world
And I what a lonely what a lonely girl

He said lately she’s been watching the weather
The weather doesn’t know what to do
’cause sometimes when its cold outside
That’s when she’s feeling blue
But I see through her sadness deep into her soul
All she’s wants to have is someone she can love to make whole

And I what a lonely girl
Trying to find her way
In this mixed up messed up world
And I see so many faces just like her
So many broken hearts in the world
And I what a lonely what a lonely girl

Isn’t it regrettable’
Oh isn’t it regrettable
She finds her love and then she lets it go
And I see so many faces just like her
So many broken hearts in the world
And I what a lonely what a lonely day

And I what a lonely girl
Trying to find her way
In this mixed up messed up world
And I see so many faces just like her
So many broken hearts in the world
And I what a lonely what a lonely girl

And I what a lonely what a lonely girl

Copyright Sandi Thom

Have you ever been driven so far inside your own desire that it burns? That it aches inside you and you would beg for release. Have you ever felt that desire over your entire body, your entire body reduced to a crumbling mess of sensual feelings. Every erogenous zone on your body desiring nothing more than to be touched, used, wanted, violated, taken. Wanting, needing, desiring, lost , head spinning in your own bodies torture. Have you ever wanted someone so much it drives you to distraction with no other thoughts in your mind than to please someone by your wanton, frustrated, quivering, burning body. The look in your eyes just a driven wild animalistic urge that you have to fill, a need you would do anything for,  no thought of shyness, no thoughts in your head at all but that burning need.

I have, i feel it a lot in varying degrees.. But the last couple of days it has really burned in me. That drive, that burn.. that fire that hides behind my little girl nature. And it does hide, trust me on that. Behind that cute , sweet, innocent seeming little thing is me, is the feelings  i have now, have had for the last 2 days… If you were with me now you could feel it coming off me in waves, you could see it in my eyes, the way i slowly touch my skin, just stroking it idly, watching, the way i touch the keyboard, run my hands over my wall as i walk past, they way, that as i eat, i lick my fingers clean.. tasting them enjoying the feelings that run through me. The way i watch the smoke slowly dance from the tip of my cigarette, moving slightly, watching its pale dance, running my other hand idly though the smoke at times. The way it leaves my mouth, a slow, controlled exhalation, my mouth an open lipped pout, my white teeth a contrast to my berry red, glistening lips.

And when i dance, and dance i do when i am in this mood, my hips snake, my body sways to the beat, the beat i feel pressing my body, like a heady pressure that beats inside you. The time when you lose yourself to the dance, and your fingers trace over your skin sending shivers down your spine deep into your…core. When i am like this i can beat any fired up little boy in the fire that burns inside me. When the dance becomes so much more than a move of your body, its a build up, a show of the desire in you as every movement is judged by those watching, imaginary or not.

Its that drive inside you that takes you to the dangerous, dark side of yourself. That side that would push everything. Wanting the rush of wrongness. No mercy, no gentle love,  just pure unadulterated lust.  Pure passion.  Everyone has it somewhere in them. I have it by the pound at times. I think it would surprise some people sometimes,  especially those that see me as this cute little thing , so obediant, so wanting of a touch, a word, watching my quivers hearing my girly whimpers. Full of bending, flowing water, not knowing i have a fire in me at times that consumes until it has burned its course. That fire that drives me to wanton, lustful acts.  I am a little girl, but at her core, deep inside, burns a sluts heart.

Smiles with wanting eyes. I am bisexual, I am attracted to men and women. I like the difference in the way they act. For me though the thing that matters is the soul of a person. However.. and i say this here, as some may be very .. intimidated at the thought of it..I am more attracted to a womans physical form than a mans. I enjoy sex with a woman more than i do with a man. I love cock,  i love the, wild pulsating desire  that comes with a man, but you can’t beat  the softness, gentle wanting passionate tenderness with being with a woman. It is more than just sex. It connects in my head, like a fantastic mind fuck. The gentle kiss, even at its most passionate, there is something blissful in its sweetness. People claim that you can’t get the same… feelings with sex with a woman. In a way they are right. We don’t have a cock.. we have no pulsating hard piece of flesh. But women haveso much more. Its a different .. set of expectations. A more frenzied, intense thing. Have you seen a woman look into your eyes in the midst of cuming, the fire inside her. smiles.. thought not. If you did you’d understand. Maybe you do.

Sometimes, just sometimes Mistress indulges my minute defiant side, encouraging me to bring it out only at her wish. But only if i have been exceptionally good before that point, and only if Mistress is in the right mood( meaning bad mood mostly). Mistress has a favourite plaything, who, while not her sub brings out things in her that make me tremble with excitement( and sometimes a type of jealousy as i would like to experience that with her sometimes).

This toy loves humiliation, loves pain and degradation. He will literally do anything she asks and i am not sure he has any limits. Last night Mistress had me publicly dominate him with her. I have only dominated once before with this toy as well and never at all publicly. She ordered me to let my frustrations out on him and have fun. It was kind of fun toying with him. I didn’t get any sexual kicks out of the domination but the controlling aspect was kind of heady.

I think i have a cruel streak. I took a lot of pleasure in putting him verbally in his place, reminding him he was being dominated by a slave, that he was lower than even me. Making him call me Ma’am. giggles. I took pleasure in emphasising how humiliating what was happening was and what a little slut he was. I whipped him in places i know the pain would be most from my own experiences, i scratched at his back and i used pain mixed with pleasure for him as Mistress worked him from behind;).I sucked him off, taking great pleasure in using my teeth on his cock… Something i have had vanilla boyfriends explore, but a little more gently.

It was fun, and the power was heady and intoicating.. Does this make me switch? I don’t think so. It has only been twice and i do not think i could do it without Mistress’s order too. Did i have fun? yes.

Did Mistress enjoy it? ” mmm you were delicious as a dom tonight dear” ( quoted from my dear Mistress)

sweet little girl ona journey.

Here we fly, here we soar

not afraid to open doors

Reaching out for dreams brought new

letting go of fears that grew

not afraid to reach out to each other

our love , our hearts, entwined like ivy knots.

To those fears i say, in childlike strength

“my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great,

you have no power over me. “

I kneel at your feet Mistress, your little girl until you no longer wish me at your side as that. I serve you with complete openness and honesty *and perhaps a little pouting every now and then.* Thank you for allowing me to share this blog and the freedom found here. I am not afraid to grow with you and share here my thoughts unhindered, thoughts unable to be shared otherwise. With perfect love and perfect trust.

*ps* giggles madly. I was watching labryinth and had to get the words in. Here it is in full for those dying to see or stuck to remember.

Sarah:” Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great…
[thunder rumbles]
Sarah: For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great… Damn. I can never remember that line.
[Sarah looks up the line from the Labyrinth book]
Sarah: You have no power over me.

little girl( and my loving Mistress)

In the beginning there were three

Now just two who are truly free

Here we come and here we write

Where honesty is never a fight

Our words spoke soft among our ears

Will ring in our memories for many years

With joy in growth we offer you our cares

The love we have, the love we share

Carpe Diem (sieze the day).

The Dominant (and her little girl)